Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Miaow now a drug as well as Madam's ace blog

Of all the things in the world and beyond that could be named after this blog's author, I never imagined it would be drugs. ("Oh yes you did," says Evil Self. "And you love it.")

"Miaow" is a plant food sold on the internet but newly discovered as having some sort of inebriant qualities. I've always wondered what flaming hoops early drug pioneers had to go through to find out that model plane adhesive, Benzadrex inhalers soaked in cola (doesn't work — just makes you puke, so I'm told) and now flower fertiliser can give you a high.

"Ooh, there's a pretty poppy seed pod. I wonder what happens if I slice it here and gather the sap ... and stick it into a vein."

"Just got to water the plants, love. Ah, sod the skunk, just nick their food."

The Telegraph says:
Apart from the euphoria and alertness it is said to induce anxiety, paranoia and a risk of fits.
Unlike Scotch, gin, vodka, rum, brandy which Telegraph journos all know is good for you, rejuvenates your liver, sweetens the breath and improves your mood the more you drink, Miaow kills you.

A scientist writes.

I wonder if I can get a sponsor.


VenerableSage said...

Give MM her endorsement deal NOW!

Of course, there are many different degrees of sponsorship, ranging from design input, 'signature' products and unlimited quantities of Free Stuff all the way down to the chance to buy at trade + VAT.

Madam Miaow owes it to us all to reveal the precise details of the deal she has not yet been offered, let alone accepted.

harpymarx said...

Ooo is it cheap?

It is always fun finding new ways of achieving that feeling of high.......

Oliver Shykles said...

sorry, a non sequitur:

i told a chinese student about your blog. he looked it up and is now a big fan =]

he's studying in the UK and has not been pleased with how the British meeja looks at China and is finding your blog to be a refreshing and much needed antidote.

as a further aside, he has been asked since arriving on our fair shores 'is china about the same size as the UK?' and 'is English the official language of China?'. madam miaow, i'm afriad you have your work cut out!

Madam Miaow said...

Harpy, there should be some sort of award to give those who in the spirit of scientific investigation made sacrifices in order to bring us our cheap highs. Never in the field of human pleasure was so much owed by so many to so few. ...

Ollie. I had a dog once. A bloodhound. I called it Non Sequitur and it didn't follow.

Your poor friend. His encounters with the Brains of Britain sound more like those street interviews with Americans where simple geographical and current affairs questions are put to the average Jo and Joanna usually with amusing results.

It is indeed an uphill struggle.

thespanishprisoner said...

I imagine that the US Congress will now pass a law saying that people possessing small amounts of plant food should be sent to prison for decades.