If you've been wondering where I've been these past few weeks, I'm pleased to tell you that I've been picked up by two publications with the view to my contributing to the gaiety of their readers.
The first is the New Internationalist which has taken me on as a columnist for their quarterly supplement, The Action ("Campaign news and events - supermarkets, Burma, penguins"). Check out my debut column in the March issue where I get punchy about China Panic in the year of the Beijing Olympics. "China - leading the world in toy manufacturing." Take that how you will ...
The second is the English language Chinese glossy, SL Magazine. I'm their Gurl Abaht Tahn, taking in the sights of the British capital from my own unique perspective as inside outsider. And anything else that takes my fancy.
As you'd expect, I will be full, frank and fearless in my observations. My integrity is sacrosanct. Jewels, holidays, expensive dinners, Johnny Depp - chuck them all at me and watch me remain true to my principles. No, please, do test me. G'wan, I dares ya!
Seduce me with a supermarket sweep at Cyberdog. Tempt me with your foul finery. Offer me Swarovski crystal and I shall point out that they make gunsights for evil imperialist forces. Gift me with diamonds and I'll tie you up, jam your eyes open and make you watch Blood Diamond. Snowdrift my mantelpiece with a blizzard of invitations to the swankiest of events or the finest products and you'll find me steadfast in my incorruptibility.
But I'm warning you, one hint of free Creme de la Mer samples and I'm a goner.
So, in advance, pay heed to everything I write on all topics other than the fabulosity of the aforementioned wondercreme. For in that I reserve the right to be as venal as any other journo with their junkets and bulging goody-bags full of corporate baksheesh.
Remember - I cannot be bought, only rented. For skin products.
Coming soon ...
No Country For Old Men, guest posts from Babeuf on The Wicker Man, sticking the shiv into The King And I and other orientalism.
