Katie Price and Alex Reid: Diana, car crashes and cavemen

Sneer if you like, but Katie and Alex don't half make me laugh.

In sore need of a lighter note after yesterday's grim reminder that war is hell, I'm turning to my bestest meeja show-off and her "lovable pratt" spouse, Alex Reid.

One thing I like about Alex is that, even though the tabloid favourites are constantly photographed on one long shopping trip, laden with posh-looking bags and dressed in attire usually involving the colour pink, he's still wearing the same coat he wore on Celebrity Big Brother when he surprised everyone and emerged the winner. Maybe it's his lucky coat. Or maybe Katie won't spring for anything sensible not in girlie hues.

Safeguarding his charmed streak, Alex has taken recent delivery of a Bible from fellow housemate Stephen Baldwin, who mind-frakked the cagefighter so entertainingly on TV. It'll look great in their library alongside the fruits of Katie Price's prolific authorship.

While I know quite a few chaps suffering from Jesus and Lenin/Trotsky complexes, when women succumb to grandiose identification syndrome, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc and Nadezhda Krupskaya have been back-burnered in favour of the sainted Diana.

According to the ever-reliable Daily Mail:

Katie says one of the reasons she is happy for her whirlwind romance with cage fighter Alex Reid to so quickly lead to marriage is because she always has a feeling that she might not be alive for long. She added: 'It wouldn't surprise me if it's (her death) a car crash, I always say that. Sometimes I think it might be a Diana moment because of the way the press chase me outside my house and try and run me off the road.'

Alex has been offered a role as a caveman in a new BBC drama, 200 BC. Yes, that's right. Two hundred years BC. I can't imagine why they want to cast him as a caveman. Everyone else will be in woad and living in wattle huts but Alex will be in a cave. Somehow it seems so right.

He said: 'I’m quite excited to play a Homo sapien. It’s like a different take – that cavemen weren’t actually stupid, they were quite intellectual.'

Ah, bless. How can you not love these two?

Katie Price and Alex Reid: Diana, car crashes and cavemen

Sneer if you like, but Katie and Alex don't half make me laugh.

In sore need of a lighter note after yesterday's grim reminder that war is hell, I'm turning to my bestest meeja show-off and her "lovable pratt" spouse, Alex Reid.

One thing I like about Alex is that, even though the tabloid favourites are constantly photographed on one long shopping trip, laden with posh-looking bags and dressed in attire usually involving the colour pink, he's still wearing the same coat he wore on Celebrity Big Brother when he surprised everyone and emerged the winner. Maybe it's his lucky coat. Or maybe Katie won't spring for anything sensible not in girlie hues.

Safeguarding his charmed streak, Alex has taken recent delivery of a Bible from fellow housemate Stephen Baldwin, who mind-frakked the cagefighter so entertainingly on TV. It'll look great in their library alongside the fruits of Katie Price's prolific authorship.

While I know quite a few chaps suffering from Jesus and Lenin/Trotsky complexes, when women succumb to grandiose identification syndrome, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc and Nadezhda Krupskaya have been back-burnered in favour of the sainted Diana.

According to the ever-reliable Daily Mail:

Katie says one of the reasons she is happy for her whirlwind romance with cage fighter Alex Reid to so quickly lead to marriage is because she always has a feeling that she might not be alive for long. She added: 'It wouldn't surprise me if it's (her death) a car crash, I always say that. Sometimes I think it might be a Diana moment because of the way the press chase me outside my house and try and run me off the road.'

Alex has been offered a role as a caveman in a new BBC drama, 200 BC. Yes, that's right. Two hundred years BC. I can't imagine why they want to cast him as a caveman. Everyone else will be in woad and living in wattle huts but Alex will be in a cave. Somehow it seems so right.

He said: 'I’m quite excited to play a Homo sapien. It’s like a different take – that cavemen weren’t actually stupid, they were quite intellectual.'

Ah, bless. How can you not love these two?

St Stephen Baldwin and "sleep cougaring": Celebrity Big Brother 2010

Alex Reid ... Nah!

Sisqo ... Nah!

Basshunter ... Meh!

Stephen, wahey, now you're talking

And so "sleep cougaring" enters the language courtesy of potato-head Baldwin on tonight's Celebrity Big Brother (Channel 4). According to St Stephen, least talented member of the screen dynasty turned clean-living Christian right-wing radio talk-show host, it's when a woman fancies a younger man in the night and goes stalking. So he's taking a bunk up the far end of the room coz for some reason he's convinced that Ivana Trump will be jumping his pudgy bones rather than those of any of the available hunks such as Jonas "Basshunter" Altberg, Sisqo of the much admired bum, or Alex "Daniel Craig/Lee Evans" Reid.

Personally, I suspect she'd rather spend time with her Louis Vuittons.

Stevie probably hasn't heard, but bible-thumping Christian proselytisers have a tendency to come unstuck around these heah parts.

For anyone with a life who hasn't succumbed to the lure of this final series of CBB, Stevie (who had "IRA" tattooed for his badboy role in The Usual Suspects because make-up wasn't authentic enough even though he didn't know what the IRA is) entertains his housemates with readings from the bible, enlightening his captive audience with his own exalted values. That's when he's not teaching cage-fighter Alex Reid how to box and veteran thesp Stephanie Beacham how to deliver her lines. (Can't wait to see him teach Sisqo how to sing and Lady Sov how to rap.)

One example he gave: if a madman burst in with a gun and held it to his little girl's head and told her she had to say Jesus didn't exist or die, Daddy would say, "See you in heaven, honey".

Suffice it to say that we all want this nutjob to stay. For a mind-boggling high score on WTF-o-meter, none of his housemates can compete.

Ivana Humpalot ... but not with Trigger

Check out Cougar at urbandictionary.com

Perhaps Stephen was thinking of Iris Robinson. Although she might not totally fit the bill as cougars are supposed to "have their shit together," which Iris evidently does not.

More quotes from Hannibal Baldwin

St Stephen Baldwin and "sleep cougaring": Celebrity Big Brother 2010

Alex Reid ... Nah!

Sisqo ... Nah!

Basshunter ... Meh!

Stephen, wahey, now you're talking

And so "sleep cougaring" enters the language courtesy of potato-head Baldwin on tonight's Celebrity Big Brother (Channel 4). According to St Stephen, least talented member of the screen dynasty turned clean-living Christian right-wing radio talk-show host, it's when a woman fancies a younger man in the night and goes stalking. So he's taking a bunk up the far end of the room coz for some reason he's convinced that Ivana Trump will be jumping his pudgy bones rather than those of any of the available hunks such as Jonas "Basshunter" Altberg, Sisqo of the much admired bum, or Alex "Daniel Craig/Lee Evans" Reid.

Personally, I suspect she'd rather spend time with her Louis Vuittons.

Stevie probably hasn't heard, but bible-thumping Christian proselytisers have a tendency to come unstuck around these heah parts.

For anyone with a life who hasn't succumbed to the lure of this final series of CBB, Stevie (who had "IRA" tattooed for his badboy role in The Usual Suspects because make-up wasn't authentic enough even though he didn't know what the IRA is) entertains his housemates with readings from the bible, enlightening his captive audience with his own exalted values. That's when he's not teaching cage-fighter Alex Reid how to box and veteran thesp Stephanie Beacham how to deliver her lines. (Can't wait to see him teach Sisqo how to sing and Lady Sov how to rap.)

One example he gave: if a madman burst in with a gun and held it to his little girl's head and told her she had to say Jesus didn't exist or die, Daddy would say, "See you in heaven, honey".

Suffice it to say that we all want this nutjob to stay. For a mind-boggling high score on WTF-o-meter, none of his housemates can compete.

Ivana Humpalot ... but not with Trigger

Check out Cougar at urbandictionary.com

Perhaps Stephen was thinking of Iris Robinson. Although she might not totally fit the bill as cougars are supposed to "have their shit together," which Iris evidently does not.

More quotes from Hannibal Baldwin