Thursday, 28 April 2011

Walpurgis Eve Royal Wedding: commoner to be sacrificed

Kate Middleton's Friday night nuptuals

I KNEW it! One look at the date of the royal wedding between William and Kate makes it as clear as a Swarovski crystal gunsight what the occult aristocracy shoring up the monarchy have in store for commoner Kate Middleton. As any fule kno, 29th April is Walpurgis Eve, going into the witches' sabbath itself on the 30th, when deals made with satanic forces are at their most potent.

I've already predicted that the first-born will be sacrificed to ensure the continuation of the monarchy, but Stewart Lee has uncovered a Wicker Man scenario that makes much more sense than the Rosemary's Baby nightmare I foresaw. The first-born is a decoy. Duck, Kate. It's your lowly blood they want to fill up on like the contents of an overturned petrol tanker at an M11 truck stop.

The lash-up between the royal family and Beelzebub is already resulting in weaker minds among us being seduced by the romance of royalty, and renowned republicans are folding like origami. Only the other day I found myself in a room full of Orwell Prize progressive where a full two-thirds of the audience now found the royals more attractive than Marilyn Monroe and James Dean put together, and whose leader asked what was so great about elections and republics anyway? The Intellectual giant of the Fabian Society, Sunder Katwala, proudly swore allegiance to the Her Dark Majesty Liz The Queen of Everything and promised that, despite having once been a fearsome republican, he was all better now.

And what of poor Wills? Never mind: his second marriage will be happier and longer-lived. After all, he has his Dad to guide him through this one.

BTW, my birthday falls on 30th April. Heh!

Truly, there are terrible primal arcana of earth which had better be left unknown and unevoked; dread secrets which have nothing to do with man, and which man may learn only in exchange for peace and sanity; cryptic truths which make the knower evermore an alien among his kind, and cause him to walk alone on earth.
-From "The Diary of Alonzo Typer" Howard Phillips Lovecraft

Carnival of Republicanism here

UPDATE: 13:50 Thursday 28th. Squats raided before the royal wedding. Democracy upheld. Rah!

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