Water into whine: PepsiCo fined $1.2 BILLION for court no-show

I hate capitalism, that great big behemoth squishing us all into a greasy smear while a global super-aristocracy floats off into some platinum-plated diamond-studded dimension of their own where hopefully they choke on their million-pound handbags (I kid you not — see pic below). So I welcome those rare victories when you think, yes, there is a God.

I'd like to go down on my knees and thank US Circuit Judge Jacqueline R. Erwin for handing down a righteous judgement that is so awesomely fitting, fair and fantastic that I am writing this through tears of glee.

Lucky plaintiffs Charles A. Joyce and James R. Voigt have performed a miracle and turned water into over a billion dollars, sticking it to one of the biggest corporations in the world. In 1981 they went to Pepsi with the bright idea of selling bottled water, an idea considered so ludicrous at the time that they were laughed out of the offices of Pepsi products distributor Wis-Pak Inc. and Carolina Canners Inc., but not before securing a confidentiality agreement.

Cut to years later when Pepsi catches on and starts selling Aquafina. Joyce and Voigt's lawsuit claims that PepsiCo used information it knew was secret when it began selling its posh water.

What could have dragged on for years and maybe netted our heroes a few million was neatly truncated when Pepsi failed to show up to defend themselves on September 30th despite the case being filed since April. According to the Wisconsin Journal Sentinel:

One of the reasons for PepsiCo's delayed response, according to court documents, was that a secretary in PepsiCo's legal department was so busy she did not tell anyone about a letter regarding the case or enter it into a log that tracks such matters.

I feel sorry for the secretary who I'm guessing is looking for a new job. But thanks for inadvertently striking a blow for the little guy. Perhaps the little guys in question will buy her one of those handbags as a thank you gift out of their loot.

The million-pound handbag made of platinum and over 2,000 diamonds

(Yes, I know, the judgement will probably be reversed when Pepsi appeal but I can dreeeeam, can't I?)

Water into whine: PepsiCo fined $1.2 BILLION for court no-show

I hate capitalism, that great big behemoth squishing us all into a greasy smear while a global super-aristocracy floats off into some platinum-plated diamond-studded dimension of their own where hopefully they choke on their million-pound handbags (I kid you not — see pic below). So I welcome those rare victories when you think, yes, there is a God.

I'd like to go down on my knees and thank US Circuit Judge Jacqueline R. Erwin for handing down a righteous judgement that is so awesomely fitting, fair and fantastic that I am writing this through tears of glee.

Lucky plaintiffs Charles A. Joyce and James R. Voigt have performed a miracle and turned water into over a billion dollars, sticking it to one of the biggest corporations in the world. In 1981 they went to Pepsi with the bright idea of selling bottled water, an idea considered so ludicrous at the time that they were laughed out of the offices of Pepsi products distributor Wis-Pak Inc. and Carolina Canners Inc., but not before securing a confidentiality agreement.

Cut to years later when Pepsi catches on and starts selling Aquafina. Joyce and Voigt's lawsuit claims that PepsiCo used information it knew was secret when it began selling its posh water.

What could have dragged on for years and maybe netted our heroes a few million was neatly truncated when Pepsi failed to show up to defend themselves on September 30th despite the case being filed since April. According to the Wisconsin Journal Sentinel:

One of the reasons for PepsiCo's delayed response, according to court documents, was that a secretary in PepsiCo's legal department was so busy she did not tell anyone about a letter regarding the case or enter it into a log that tracks such matters.

I feel sorry for the secretary who I'm guessing is looking for a new job. But thanks for inadvertently striking a blow for the little guy. Perhaps the little guys in question will buy her one of those handbags as a thank you gift out of their loot.

The million-pound handbag made of platinum and over 2,000 diamonds

(Yes, I know, the judgement will probably be reversed when Pepsi appeal but I can dreeeeam, can't I?)

Fu Manchu knighted: Arise Sir Christopher Lee

That master incarnator of exotic uber-villainy, Christopher Lee (87) — Dracula, Scaramanga (The Man With The Golden Gun), Saruman (Lord Of The Rings), Hammer's first Frankenstein's monster, Lord Summerisle (The Wicker Man), Willy Wonka's scary Dad and Dr Fu-Manchu (erk!) — gets his richly deserved gong at long, long last.

No relation to Bruce, Stan, Ang, Stewart, Ho Fook, Robert E., Addison or Sara, he was knighted by Prince Charles today but promises that he will never be billed as "Sir" Christopher Lee in a movie, unlike Sir Ben Kings Lee.

Loved One once interviewed him at his Eaton Square home and Chris sang grand opera in his grand baritone and demonstrated martial arts kicks whilst keeping his fangs resolutely sheathed. No blood was shed, no sheds were bled ...

And you know he only comes out at knight.

Fu Manchu knighted: Arise Sir Christopher Lee

That master incarnator of exotic uber-villainy, Christopher Lee (87) — Dracula, Scaramanga (The Man With The Golden Gun), Saruman (Lord Of The Rings), Hammer's first Frankenstein's monster, Lord Summerisle (The Wicker Man), Willy Wonka's scary Dad and Dr Fu-Manchu (erk!) — gets his richly deserved gong at long, long last.

No relation to Bruce, Stan, Ang, Stewart, Ho Fook, Robert E., Addison or Sara, he was knighted by Prince Charles today but promises that he will never be billed as "Sir" Christopher Lee in a movie, unlike Sir Ben Kings Lee.

Loved One once interviewed him at his Eaton Square home and Chris sang grand opera in his grand baritone and demonstrated martial arts kicks whilst keeping his fangs resolutely sheathed. No blood was shed, no sheds were bled ...

And you know he only comes out at knight.

The Noisettes review: "Atticus" and Shingai's death-defying balcony scene at Shepherds Bush Empire

Madam Miaow's video shot from three seats away

Well, that's divas for you. Lucky she has circus skills.

We had top seats for Monday's Noisettes gig at the Shepherds Bush O2 Empire thanks to Bill and Rachel, guitarist Daniel Smith's parents. Ah! Nuthin' like sitting in comfort sipping Strongbow from a plastic mug, I'm that sophisticated.

The band opened with Don't Upset the Rhythm and singer Shingai Shoniwa cavorting on top of a silver-draped platform in an explosive blaze of light under a giant scarlet love-heart. A wild leap onto the stage began Wild Young Hearts, then Don't Give Up, the first track off their first album. Their third big hit, Never Forget You, came later in the set. Songs from their first album, What's the Time Mr Wolf?, are quirkier and closer to their indie rock roots than the poppier numbers off Wild Young Hearts but the audience loved it all, not least because this band puts on such a good show.

Shingai is a phenomenon. Sexy without being ingratiating, she prowls the stage like a big cat and stalks her audience, barefoot and mischievous, long-limbed and natural. Draping herself across Jamie Morrison's drum kit, you believe the world, like the stage, is her own.

As well as being an ace guitarist (see his Hendrix homage, complete with teeth, on Don't Give Up), Daniel Smith is essentially musical director  and adds stability to the show so that Shingai can do her thang.

The band is occasionally backed by a brace of singers plus a string quartet, a keyboard player and a bass player who deputises for the multi-talented Shingai on most of the songs, freeing her up to perform to the max. Yet they never sound sparse when it's just the three members on stage. Meaning "the bollocks" in French, The Noisettes are a lively, ballsy likeable trio with seriously good musical content.

They're an overnight phenomenon that's taken twelve years to break through. Their music can be heard everywhere from The Sopranos (Scratch Your Name), St Trinians (Don't Give Up) and Bionic Woman to Timberland and Mazda ads. They've already been in Vogue and I bet fashion and beauty companies will be chasing the stunning black singer. This is a woman who should never have to pay for her skin-care again. Personally, I wish Créme De La Mer would chuck some product at me.

Not that Shingai hails from a tradition of frivolity. Her mother was imprisoned in her native Zimbabwe at the age of 17 as a freedom fighter under the odious Smith regime. And her uncle Thomas Mapfumo is a respected musician/activist, known as "the voice of the revolution".

The NME may snottily write them off as a pop sellout but Shingai is at least fifth-generation Mbira musician, popular across Southern Africa, while Daniel's Dad is a music writer and accomplished blues harmonica player, currently with Charles Shaar Murray and the Queens of Funk in Crosstown Lightnin'.

Long may they thrive.

Shingai sings to Buffalo Bill Smith

The Noisettes review: "Atticus" and Shingai's death-defying balcony scene at Shepherds Bush Empire

Madam Miaow's video shot from three seats away

Well, that's divas for you. Lucky she has circus skills.

We had top seats for Monday's Noisettes gig at the Shepherds Bush O2 Empire thanks to Bill and Rachel, guitarist Daniel Smith's parents. Ah! Nuthin' like sitting in comfort sipping Strongbow from a plastic mug, I'm that sophisticated.

The band opened with Don't Upset the Rhythm and singer Shingai Shoniwa cavorting on top of a silver-draped platform in an explosive blaze of light under a giant scarlet love-heart. A wild leap onto the stage began Wild Young Hearts, then Don't Give Up, the first track off their first album. Their third big hit, Never Forget You, came later in the set. Songs from their first album, What's the Time Mr Wolf?, are quirkier and closer to their indie rock roots than the poppier numbers off Wild Young Hearts but the audience loved it all, not least because this band puts on such a good show.

Shingai is a phenomenon. Sexy without being ingratiating, she prowls the stage like a big cat and stalks her audience, barefoot and mischievous, long-limbed and natural. Draping herself across Jamie Morrison's drum kit, you believe the world, like the stage, is her own.

As well as being an ace guitarist (see his Hendrix homage, complete with teeth, on Don't Give Up), Daniel Smith is essentially musical director  and adds stability to the show so that Shingai can do her thang.

The band is occasionally backed by a brace of singers plus a string quartet, a keyboard player and a bass player who deputises for the multi-talented Shingai on most of the songs, freeing her up to perform to the max. Yet they never sound sparse when it's just the three members on stage. Meaning "the bollocks" in French, The Noisettes are a lively, ballsy likeable trio with seriously good musical content.

They're an overnight phenomenon that's taken twelve years to break through. Their music can be heard everywhere from The Sopranos (Scratch Your Name), St Trinians (Don't Give Up) and Bionic Woman to Timberland and Mazda ads. They've already been in Vogue and I bet fashion and beauty companies will be chasing the stunning black singer. This is a woman who should never have to pay for her skin-care again. Personally, I wish Créme De La Mer would chuck some product at me.

Not that Shingai hails from a tradition of frivolity. Her mother was imprisoned in her native Zimbabwe at the age of 17 as a freedom fighter under the odious Smith regime. And her uncle Thomas Mapfumo is a respected musician/activist, known as "the voice of the revolution".

The NME may snottily write them off as a pop sellout but Shingai is at least fifth-generation Mbira musician, popular across Southern Africa, while Daniel's Dad is a music writer and accomplished blues harmonica player, currently with Charles Shaar Murray and the Queens of Funk in Crosstown Lightnin'.

Long may they thrive.

Shingai sings to Buffalo Bill Smith