The wife of world-famous humanitarian and tax expert Bono is suing Stella McCartney for the use of the word "nude" in her latest perfume, Stella Nude.
Ali Hewson, a charity campaigner or "chugger" as they are sometimes fondly known, had previously named her company "Nude Skincare", rendering "nude", "skin" and "care" off limits to everyone in perpetuity.
Similarly, Nina Ricci presciently bagged "air" and the concept of time when she named her scent, "L'air du temps". Luckily, this was in a foreign language and isn't liable under British law, but French physicists and philosophers have been having a helluva time. Cake enthusiast Marcel Proust was forced to retitle his book which now roughly translates as "The Search for Lost Clocks", although the makers of the TV series "Lost" are keeping an eye on developments.
In Ohio, Mr Walt Furffenhower has filed a claim stating that his grandfather invented the ampersand and the @ sign in 1848, and has threatened a law suit against everyone on the planet with an email address. "A buck apiece'll do me fine," he gummed in his trailer. "First thing ah'll do is git ma teeth fixed."
Unrelated but in the same ballpark, Joel Tenenbaum has been fined $675,000 for uploading 30 music tracks.
Scientists estimate that due to the Linguistics Enclosures Acts, the English language will be rendered "someone else's" by the year 2075.