Saturday, 31 October 2009

Water into whine: PepsiCo fined $1.2 BILLION for court no-show

I hate capitalism, that great big behemoth squishing us all into a greasy smear while a global super-aristocracy floats off into some platinum-plated diamond-studded dimension of their own where hopefully they choke on their million-pound handbags (I kid you not — see pic below). So I welcome those rare victories when you think, yes, there is a God.

I'd like to go down on my knees and thank US Circuit Judge Jacqueline R. Erwin for handing down a righteous judgement that is so awesomely fitting, fair and fantastic that I am writing this through tears of glee.

Lucky plaintiffs Charles A. Joyce and James R. Voigt have performed a miracle and turned water into over a billion dollars, sticking it to one of the biggest corporations in the world. In 1981 they went to Pepsi with the bright idea of selling bottled water, an idea considered so ludicrous at the time that they were laughed out of the offices of Pepsi products distributor Wis-Pak Inc. and Carolina Canners Inc., but not before securing a confidentiality agreement.

Cut to years later when Pepsi catches on and starts selling Aquafina. Joyce and Voigt's lawsuit claims that PepsiCo used information it knew was secret when it began selling its posh water.

What could have dragged on for years and maybe netted our heroes a few million was neatly truncated when Pepsi failed to show up to defend themselves on September 30th despite the case being filed since April. According to the Wisconsin Journal Sentinel:
One of the reasons for PepsiCo's delayed response, according to court documents, was that a secretary in PepsiCo's legal department was so busy she did not tell anyone about a letter regarding the case or enter it into a log that tracks such matters.
I feel sorry for the secretary who I'm guessing is looking for a new job. But thanks for inadvertently striking a blow for the little guy. Perhaps the little guys in question will buy her one of those handbags as a thank you gift out of their loot.

The million-pound handbag made of platinum and over 2,000 diamonds

(Yes, I know, the judgement will probably be reversed when Pepsi appeal but I can dreeeeam, can't I?)


VenerableSage said...


Trebles all round, methinks.

thespanishprisoner said...

I agree with you that PepsiCo deserves to lose this case.

This reminds me of when I worked for Coca-Cola in Los Angeles in Los Angeles. They would take LA city water (which tastes terrible), filter it, bottle it and sell it. Bottled water is a scam.

thespanishprisoner said...

I meant to say Coca-Cola in Los Angeles. My apologies.

Madam Miaow said...

Hi SP, isn't bottled water supposed to come from pure driven snow or glaciers or angels' nipples or something? Whatever made Coke thing that taking it from the mains and running it through a Brita filter before sticking it in a non-green plastic bottle is adding value (except to their shares). I hope their wrists were suitable slapped.

thespanishprisoner said...

The name of Coca-Cola's bottled water brand is Dasani. You may find this article interesting:

Coca-Cola still sells this stuff in the US and in Latin America, so I guess people must be buying it. Don't ask me why. Tap water is cheaper.

They stopped selling it in Britain after some of the water was contaminated with bromate. You might find this wikipedia article interesting: