" Raw octopus spunk impregnates woman's mouth | Madam Miaow Says

Friday, 15 June 2012

Raw octopus spunk impregnates woman's mouth


Aargh! Official: octopussy is safer than octocock. Tiny octopuddies implant themselves in a woman's delicate mucous membrane when ejaculated during a sushi meal. Sex and food, my favourite combo. True and gruesome, fugu fish now has a rival in culinary Russian Roulette. And I thought liver flukes were all you had to worry about.

Watch out for high speed octosperm. " ... a spermatophore is similar to a cup of semen."

Here's the bit you need to read from the report in The Daily Mail (don't knock it til you try it!).
'Twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva [gums] were completely removed, along with the affected mucosa.
'On the basis of their morphology and the presence of the sperm bag, the foreign bodies were identified as squid spermatophores.' ... According to Science 2.0, a spermatophore is similar to a cup of semen.
The website says: 'Each spermatophore includes an ejaculatory apparatus, which can expel the sperm mass quite forcefully, and a cement body for attachment.'

So many questions: what would have happened if they'd come to full term? Where's the Church on this? What would you name them? Could you sign them up for Eton?

6 comments:

Louisefeminista said...

Thank goodness I am a vegetarian.......

Madam Miaow said...

Well, I'm thinking about it. Bleurgh!

Boffy said...

Gives a new meaning to the phrase "Squids in!"

Paul Anderson said...

And there I was thinking that cooking octopus was the next thing I need to learn.

Madam Miaow said...

'Fonly it had been cooked, the immaculate conception would never have happened. (Octopus on the menu v soon.)

I.:.S.:. said...

How many hearts?

Wow.

And the anus opens into the siphon (ie. the water pulse-jet the octopus moves with) - good, makes sense, like a built in biological flush toilet.

The octopus is, in my opinion, among the most wondrous and definitely intelligent of God's creatures.

Intelligent? Yes. It can, after all, get into a bottle. That's all the proof I need.

However, I must once again point out that an octopus is not a squid, and this lady's mouth was impregnated (?) by a squid.

Squid are not on an intellectual level with the octopus, and I feel that they would therefore necessarily struggle academically at Eton. Although I'm sure that socially they would cope; perhaps even find themselves relatively precocious and, indeed, excel.

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