If you've been wondering where I've been these past few weeks, I'm pleased to tell you that I've been picked up by two publications with the view to my contributing to the gaiety of their readers.
The first is the New Internationalist which has taken me on as a columnist for their quarterly supplement, The Action ("Campaign news and events - supermarkets, Burma, penguins"). Check out my debut column in the March issue where I get punchy about China Panic in the year of the Beijing Olympics. "China - leading the world in toy manufacturing." Take that how you will ...
The second is the English language Chinese glossy, SL Magazine. I'm their Gurl Abaht Tahn, taking in the sights of the British capital from my own unique perspective as inside outsider. And anything else that takes my fancy.
As you'd expect, I will be full, frank and fearless in my observations. My integrity is sacrosanct. Jewels, holidays, expensive dinners, Johnny Depp - chuck them all at me and watch me remain true to my principles. No, please, do test me. G'wan, I dares ya!
Seduce me with a supermarket sweep at Cyberdog. Tempt me with your foul finery. Offer me Swarovski crystal and I shall point out that they make gunsights for evil imperialist forces. Gift me with diamonds and I'll tie you up, jam your eyes open and make you watch Blood Diamond. Snowdrift my mantelpiece with a blizzard of invitations to the swankiest of events or the finest products and you'll find me steadfast in my incorruptibility.
But I'm warning you, one hint of free Creme de la Mer samples and I'm a goner.
So, in advance, pay heed to everything I write on all topics other than the fabulosity of the aforementioned wondercreme. For in that I reserve the right to be as venal as any other journo with their junkets and bulging goody-bags full of corporate baksheesh.
Remember - I cannot be bought, only rented. For skin products.
Coming soon ...
No Country For Old Men, guest posts from Babeuf on The Wicker Man, sticking the shiv into The King And I and other orientalism.
10 comments:
"Jewels, holidays, expensive dinners, Johnny Depp - chuck them all at me and watch me remain true to my principles."
Ahhhh, young Cap'n Sparrow, shiver me timbers (whatever the pirate speak is)!!
You are made of sterner stuff than me and principled.......
Btw: Welcome back Madam Miaow
Thanks, Louise.
Have you seen Johnny in Sweeney Todd? Love that hunky monkey. Grrr!
I almost had a white streak extension put in as a mark of identification and appreciation.
No, still haven't seen it...but have annual leave coming up so might be catching up on all the films I have missed so far.
Good to see you back. I was about to pen you a concerned fan letter, or offer you out on a Scrabble duel again ;)
So, any chances your new glossy role will take you beyond the Great Wall of the M25 and out into the provinces for Louis Theroux-style outings?
Hi, Phil.
Outside the Great Wall of the M25? Hmmm. Here be dragons.
There's a good chance that Brighton and Oxbridge may feature. And a nice break in the Lake District might be of interest to Chinese readers with a poetic bent.
Suggestions?
Well could I be so humble to suggest you add the mighty Potteries to your itinerary? If you are a bit wary of our beloved five towns, Dick n Dom do a great job of showing it in its best light.
Oh, most impressed, Phil. I like a publicist with a hand up his fundament. And a nice souvenir mug to take home after one's trip.
Is Stoke On Trent anywhere near Alton Towers?
Congrats on being picked up by those two magazines!
Oh no, please not a post on the Wicker Man. Some damn fool forced me to watch it a few weeks ago and I've been having horrible nightmares ever since!
Which one, Red Maria, the original? Or the gruesome remake with Nicholas Cage?
Actually, I think Babeuf has both in his sights ...
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