Monday 12 July 2010

Michael Gove Wanted Me To Powder Him Down

Sad-sack Education Minister Michael Gove helped himself to make-up belonging to an exotic lovely and made strange demands minutes before appearing before blonde Kirsty Young, 27, at ITN's studios in posh intellectuals' haunt, Grays Inn Road.

"It was when I was publicising The Best Democracy Money Can Buy", said buxom press-officer Anna Chen, 22, flicking her long tresses out of her almond eyes. Sultry beauty Chen said, "There I was in the Green Room, helping my mate Greg Palast not reflect the light from his very high forehead when Michael Gove, who was there for an 'interview' with our Kirsty, suddenly reached in and grabbed. He'd been coveting the contents of my little make-up bag with his pre-lasered eyeballs for ages. This was back in the day before he got his new hairdo and makeover."

Sinister Gove then asked her to "powder me down".

"Powder me down" is a well-known perverts' term for unspeakable televisual and filmic practices.

"So there I was, trying to beautify the most evil Education Minister this country would ever see like some champion fluffer. All my skills and photoshopping couldn't prettify this ugly little monster."

Ms Chen is deeply regretful. "It's like when they ask you, if you could go back in time and top Hitler before he came to power, what would you do? I wish I'd tattooed the pursed-lipped creep with 'I am a threat to your children' across his fugly mug. To have missed a chance like that is enough to turn you to drink," said the busty Ms Chen, pouring herself another quart of Absinthe with a trembling hand.

Ms Chen is 19.


Ed Ward said...


Madam Miaow said...


VenerableSage said...

The cad! The unutterable CAD!

Seabiscuit said...

My sympathies; his face is a truly catastrophic traducement of several hitherto great artistic grotesques - Munch's The Scream, The Toxic Avenger , and the LP cover of Trout Mask Replica, all ripped and alienated from their true substance, to be merged and morphed into a profound and pathetic lack of character; all the while making a laughable yet emetic attempt to look convinced, confident and 'hard' ; a damp squib of a Gorgon; an invertebrate snot of an attempted Alien Chestburster
You must have a VERY strong stomach ...