Will Self and Chinese "ants"

Will Self bleats in last night's Evening Standard about the closure of his favourite restaurant, China China, now disappeared from Gerrard Street in London's Chinatown.

Actually Will, it hasn't closed, it's just that, ever since your disgraceful lapse from your customary wit, compassion and good sense in the Evening Standard when you described the Chinese Olympic ceremonies in turn-of-the-century (19th!) colonialist terms as, "...a demonstration of the ant-like de-individualisation suffered by the ordinary citizens of this eastern despotism", they've been pissing in your prawn balls.

Whenever they see you coming, Will, they close the shutters and make like a ninja (yes, we wily orientals all look the same, that's when you can see us at all), coz that's within our fiendish powers.

Same with Marina Hyde, who I've hitherto admired, and others who came up with the same dehumanising "ant" and "robot" similes. How come Westerners are allowed to practise hard for sport, music, ballet, and so on, until perfect, but when the Chinese do it, it's because we are "de-individualised"?

I've noticed how the debate about repression by the Chinese government has slid unchallenged into locating the cause as somehow genetic rather than looking at the politics. This is a clumsy, lazy misreading serving the neo-con cause as they warm up for a conflict with China. Even Chinese critics of the regime experienced pride in what their nation has achieved in only a few decades after being Empire's doormat, but we uppity Chinese have to be put in our place. And commentators like Will and Marina reckon they are the boys and girls to do it.

As for Will's self-congratulatory paean to mediocrity: " ... how much more moving it was to see 40,000 people turn out in the Mall to see a Queen tribute band - or was it the Queen herself? It's so difficult to tell nowadays - belt out We Will Rock You, cheer some returning Olympic medallists and watch the obligatory fly-past by the Red Arrows." Whenever I see military fly-pasts, it makes me shudder to think of what it must be like to be on the business end of these machines of death. But that's probably not something the smug white literati ever have to worry about.

And I still think Boris Johnson should have buttoned his jacket (come to that, he should have buttoned his lip) and Jimmy Page should have washed his hair.

Will Self and Chinese "ants"

Will Self bleats in last night's Evening Standard about the closure of his favourite restaurant, China China, now disappeared from Gerrard Street in London's Chinatown.

Actually Will, it hasn't closed, it's just that, ever since your disgraceful lapse from your customary wit, compassion and good sense in the Evening Standard when you described the Chinese Olympic ceremonies in turn-of-the-century (19th!) colonialist terms as, "...a demonstration of the ant-like de-individualisation suffered by the ordinary citizens of this eastern despotism", they've been pissing in your prawn balls.

Whenever they see you coming, Will, they close the shutters and make like a ninja (yes, we wily orientals all look the same, that's when you can see us at all), coz that's within our fiendish powers.

Same with Marina Hyde, who I've hitherto admired, and others who came up with the same dehumanising "ant" and "robot" similes. How come Westerners are allowed to practise hard for sport, music, ballet, and so on, until perfect, but when the Chinese do it, it's because we are "de-individualised"?

I've noticed how the debate about repression by the Chinese government has slid unchallenged into locating the cause as somehow genetic rather than looking at the politics. This is a clumsy, lazy misreading serving the neo-con cause as they warm up for a conflict with China. Even Chinese critics of the regime experienced pride in what their nation has achieved in only a few decades after being Empire's doormat, but we uppity Chinese have to be put in our place. And commentators like Will and Marina reckon they are the boys and girls to do it.

As for Will's self-congratulatory paean to mediocrity: " ... how much more moving it was to see 40,000 people turn out in the Mall to see a Queen tribute band - or was it the Queen herself? It's so difficult to tell nowadays - belt out We Will Rock You, cheer some returning Olympic medallists and watch the obligatory fly-past by the Red Arrows." Whenever I see military fly-pasts, it makes me shudder to think of what it must be like to be on the business end of these machines of death. But that's probably not something the smug white literati ever have to worry about.

And I still think Boris Johnson should have buttoned his jacket (come to that, he should have buttoned his lip) and Jimmy Page should have washed his hair.

St Ives Arts Festival heaven 2008: photos 1

So another St Ives Arts Festival draws to a close. And what a festival it was, taking place over the two weeks between Saturdays 6th - 20th September. As with the Edinburgh Festival, there's a plethora of events around the official one, and it's here that I like to hang out.

I got to play my second stand-up comedy gig at the Western's St Ives Comedy Club, MCd this time by the jolly Matt Price who keeps order with a steel fist of fun.

I also got to sing, recite poetry and even MCd the lunchtime poetry and music sessions in Norway Square while Bob Devereux was away, in between soaking up the sun on Porthmeor Beach and stuffing my face with Cornish pasties, Cornish clotted cream ice cream, and clotted cream. Did I mention there was clotted cream?

Anyway, here's a small selection of photos from a fabulous two weeks. I may have to post these in batches.

My video from the 2006 festival featuring Bob Devereux, Charles Shaar Murray, Buffalo Bill Smith, Rod Bullimore and others can be seen here

St Ives harbour at dusk

Just in case we forget St Ives is a working fishing harbour, here's a landing of mackerel



"The Old Fella", an old bull seal who follows the fishing boats and gets fed

Anna Chen MCs the final lunchtime poetry and music sessions in Norway Square, Friday 19th and Saturday 20th September

Isambarde

Paul Healy, Rod Bullimore and Charles Shaar Murray

Rod Bullimore

Pete Low

Rachel Smith



Martyn Barker and Paul Healy

Norway Square, St Ives

Weird Sleeping Kittens

Steve and Linda Jones, and Anna



Dorcas McIntosh (looking like Lauren Bacall) who recited a poem and appeared in A Midsummer Night's Dream on the Island during the festival

Paul Healy, Keir and Phil

Anna reads "Wreath Lecture"
(Wonder where all that clotted cream went ... If I hadn't been wearing such a stupid short top I wouldn't have had to crop the photo so ruthlessly)

Charles Shaar Murray and Buffalo Bill Smith

Steve Jones joined by Charles Shaar Murray

Anna's MC-eye-view of the lovely audience ...



Norway Square finale with all that day's musicians plus me and Linda

St Ives Arts Festival heaven 2008: photos 1

So another St Ives Arts Festival draws to a close. And what a festival it was, taking place over the two weeks between Saturdays 6th - 20th September. As with the Edinburgh Festival, there's a plethora of events around the official one, and it's here that I like to hang out.

I got to play my second stand-up comedy gig at the Western's St Ives Comedy Club, MCd this time by the jolly Matt Price who keeps order with a steel fist of fun.

I also got to sing, recite poetry and even MCd the lunchtime poetry and music sessions in Norway Square while Bob Devereux was away, in between soaking up the sun on Porthmeor Beach and stuffing my face with Cornish pasties, Cornish clotted cream ice cream, and clotted cream. Did I mention there was clotted cream?

Anyway, here's a small selection of photos from a fabulous two weeks. I may have to post these in batches.

My video from the 2006 festival featuring Bob Devereux, Charles Shaar Murray, Buffalo Bill Smith, Rod Bullimore and others can be seen here

St Ives harbour at dusk

Just in case we forget St Ives is a working fishing harbour, here's a landing of mackerel



"The Old Fella", an old bull seal who follows the fishing boats and gets fed

Anna Chen MCs the final lunchtime poetry and music sessions in Norway Square, Friday 19th and Saturday 20th September

Isambarde

Paul Healy, Rod Bullimore and Charles Shaar Murray

Rod Bullimore

Pete Low

Rachel Smith



Martyn Barker and Paul Healy

Norway Square, St Ives

Weird Sleeping Kittens

Steve and Linda Jones, and Anna



Dorcas McIntosh (looking like Lauren Bacall) who recited a poem and appeared in A Midsummer Night's Dream on the Island during the festival

Paul Healy, Keir and Phil

Anna reads "Wreath Lecture"
(Wonder where all that clotted cream went ... If I hadn't been wearing such a stupid short top I wouldn't have had to crop the photo so ruthlessly)

Charles Shaar Murray and Buffalo Bill Smith

Steve Jones joined by Charles Shaar Murray

Anna's MC-eye-view of the lovely audience ...



Norway Square finale with all that day's musicians plus me and Linda