Monday, 1 February 2010

Serial Killer Cat Fools Everyone: Tony Blair takes tips

Oscar the cat has his pawprints all over 50 deaths at an old people's home in America. He chooses his victims, curls up with them overnight and secretly dispatches them. Oddly, the authorities have mixed up cause and effect and credited the murdering moggy with a supernatural ability to detect imminent doom, comforting the dying in their final hours, when it's obvious to the rest of us that he's been bumping off persistent bed-blockers.

And now he has been given a book deal: "Making Rounds With Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat." (Hyperion, $23.99). JP Morgan want to sign him, he stands to make a fortune on the lecture circuit, and world-class villains want to stroke him. Except for Tony Blair who is watching developments and has complained, "It's not fair. How come Oscar gets away with it? I want to see how well he'd do in front of the Chillcat Inquiry".

Oscar says, "No more Kit-E-Kat and the odd mouse for me. I'm hob-nobbing with the big guys, now. Where's my beluga?"

Beware, if Oscar decides to help you and promises to bring democracy to your sad life, this is the kiss of death and you will be dead by dawn. Tony Blair is taking tips.

Yeah! You may look cute ...

UPDATE: 1st Feb 2010 Iraq inquiry may recall Tony Blair over conflicting evidence


VenerableSage said...

My pet waits like an old roué
So confident I'll go his way
Whistle to him and the passing time
My pet waits like a bible truth
At the funeral of my youth
Weep loud for that and the passing time
My pet waits like a witch at night
As surely as our love is bright
Let's not think about the passing time

-- Jacques Brel, My Pet
(discarded first draft)

Nevin said...

haha! good one.... I needed that laugh early in the morning...

Frank Partisan said...

Now you're an anarcat.

OT: I'm a slow reader. I'm still reading Wild Swans. It sure is a departure from the Mao book. It is much better written.

I see a theater production (hint).

Madam Miaow said...

Glad this gave you a laugh, guys.

Ren, so many attempts have been made to get that book made across the media but A Certain Party is, ahem, not the easiest to get on with. Such as demanding that Juliet Stevenson and no-one else must play her.

Good news that Scotland the Brave may take the first steps in prosecuting this madman. Iran? He wants to do IRAN?